Three Core Principles for Eating Disorder Recovery

Navigating the journey of eating disorder recovery can be very difficult. Many clients relate their difficulties with uncertainty, ambivalence, or just being unclear of what to do next. At times, the inner critic and eating disorder voice can be relentless in its pursuit to break you down.

Eating disorder recovery is specific to where you are and what (specifically) you need to focus on. However, during recovery we can highlight general guiding principles that (in my opinion) impact your daily efforts. These three principles are Ownership, Accountability, and Respect. When your recovery is built upon the foundation of these principles, it can vastly influence the speed and trajectory of the overall process of recovery.

Let’s explore these principles in detail for insights and strategies that support your healing and recovery.

1. Ownership: Taking Charge of Your Recovery

Ownership in recovery is about you embracing the role to be an active participant in your healing process. It means you recognise that you are the key player in your journey, and taking responsibility for the decisions that shape your path to healing.

Many eating disorders clients struggle with ownership as they feel they aren’t strong enough to recover (or don’t even deserve recovery). They describe elements like traumatic histories, an all-powerful eating disorder voice, or a strong internal self-critique coupled with high perfectionistic standards – all of which stand in their way to take ownership of recovery. In therapy I’ve counselled many individuals who struggle with intense inner battles surrounding these themes, and it can be truly difficult for the person to resolve some of these issue.

However, I would (respectfully) challenge you to consider that it’s time you stopped focussing on these elements, and stopped letting these things stand between you and the life you want to have. The life you are currently living within your eating disorders is a result of the choices you’ve made and continue to make. You can ascribe blame to negative things in life like circumstances, upbringing, events, hurts, pains, etc. The simple fact is, you don’t control any of that. You don’t control life, situations, events or people. What you do control is how you respond, which includes the current daily choices you make.

Taking ownership encourages you stop focussing on things outside yourself and outside your control. Remaining fixed on those things will keep you from living the life you desire, and the life you are capable of. You can make all the excuses you want; the world doesn’t care. As harsh as that sounds, it’s the truth. If you want to recovery, you will have to resolve to not focus on the excuses for remaining in your eating disorder.

Ownership for recovery from an eating disorder is certainly not easy, and at times it is very unpleasant. But if you are serious about your recovery from an eating disorder, you must take ownership of it, and your life. Ownership is not about self-blame, but about empowerment. It involves acknowledging that, while eating disorders can be influenced by various factors like genetics, environment, and psychological stressors – the power to change your life lies with you. Thus, this principle encourages you to make choices that align with recovery goals.

Practical Steps to Embrace Ownership

Set personal goals: Establish clear, attainable goals for your recovery. Whether it’s participating in therapy, making healthier food choices, or improving self-esteem, having specific objectives (that you help create) will give you a sense of direction and help you feel you’re owning your own recovery.

Educate yourself: Knowledge is empowering. Learn about eating disorders from reliable sources to understand your condition better and make informed decisions. If you’re allowing yourself to be influenced by the wrong information, then cut away from those sources. Refer to our Resource page for eating disorders resources that can be trusted.

Seek solid support: Find a treatment team that respects your autonomy and collaborates with you. If you’re not happy with the team you have (for justifiable reasons), and it would serve your best interest for recovery to change – then consider making the necessary changes. However, if you haven’t been partaking well in your own treatment (i.e. coasting within treatment), make a renewed commitment to recovery with good effort.

2. Accountability: Holding Yourself Responsible

Accountability is about being answerable to yourself regarding your life’s decision, including those decisions of your recovery journey. Accountability allows you to gain control of your life, to shape your destiny, and to fulfil your potential. In its purest form, accountability is simply taking ownership of your inputs and actions, which have direct bearing on the outcomes in your life.

Accountability is not about blaming yourself or punishing others. As a recovery principle, it acknowledges your role in the outcome of your recovery. Accountability is not concerned with failure, but rather what it takes to create better results. Until we accept full ownership of our actions and our outcomes, we will be helpless to change or improve our lives.

Within eating disorders recovery, accountability may involve doing the uncomfortable even when it hurts. Examples include tracking your behaviours (when necessary), preparing and eating meals and snacks, sharing feelings, asking for help, acknowledging setbacks, and celebrating successes.

Accountability calls us to act on the intention to recover. Recovery (in this manner) is an intentional, conscious decision that you pursue. It means that you wake up asking yourself: “What do I need to pursue today in my recovery?”, and then reflect at the end of the day: “How did I respond to what my recovery asked of me today?”. If you don’t have that intention, then that statement itself highlights a problem that needs your attention. Don’t avoid this.

I would also include your Why? for recovery a part of accountability (sometimes our why is something external to us to which I am accountable to). It’s important to have a good reason for recovery, as this can help you in times when feelings and mood are not at its best. Remaining focused on why your doing this can help when you feel discouraged, demotivated, or ambivalent about recovery.

Accountability ensures that you remain committed to your recovery goals and recognize the importance of following through with your treatment plan, even when it’s difficult.

Some Ways to Encourage Increased Accountability

Journaling: Keep a recovery journal to document your thoughts, feelings, and progress. This practice helps you reflect on your journey and identify areas that need your attention. Try to include subjective- and objective elements in your journal reflections. Subjective elements are your own thoughts and feelings. Objective elements include data external to you – feedback received from others, recovery goals obtained, behaviours you’re tracking, etc.

Regular Check-ins: Regular sessions with your recovery coach, therapist, or even a trusted family member. This helps you to share (and reflect on) your recovery progress.

Self-Compassion: Understand that recovery is a process with ups and downs. Be kind to yourself during setbacks and use them as learning opportunities rather than reasons to give up.

Resolve to not blame others (or external situations): For your lack of input.

Be willing to take different actions: Even if they feel uncomfortable or you have never done them before.

Associate with people who own accountability: Who you associate with matters, and can certainly influence how you think and behave. Stay away from those that discourage you to be accountable for your recovery. This includes unfollowing/unfriending influences on social media that are unhealthy or deter you to recover. Avoid those people like the plague, and focus on nurturing relationships with people who are accountable in their own lives, and encourage you to be more accountable too.

3. Respect: Valuing Yourself Throughout the Journey

Respect within recovery means treating yourself with kindness, dignity, and understanding at all times. It involves recognizing your worth and honouring your needs as you navigate the complexities of recovery. This is in stark contrast to the negative self-talk and inner critic that usually accompanies eating disorders. This principle calls upon you to counter and replace any/all such thoughts that would encourage you to think less of yourself or to degrade yourself.

Respecting yourself during recovery is crucial for building a positive self-image and maintaining motivation. It involves acknowledging your progress and being gentle with yourself during difficult times. It also helps in trying to learn from setback and mistakes, whilst learning to become your own coach as you face life’s difficulties.

Recently I had a discussion with a client on their inner eating disorder voice/critic. We discussed how this voice can be endearing, strong, extremely critical, and always focussed on breaking her down. I asked her whether she thought that these comments could be viewed as abusive? At first she wasn’t sure (as she had endeared them for so long), but when I asked her to imagine saying those comments to someone else, she was quick to see how abusive those comments were. Even though she ascribed these comments to the ED voice, by implication she was saying these things to herself, being very self-abusive in a hard, demeaning and critical manner. She agreed to my point and conceded that, in fact, how she was treating herself was indeed self-abusive.

Then I asked her to consider abuse, and think whether abuse could ever be justified? Meaning, could she think of examples or situations where she could justify abuse to another person. Again, she thought deeply and replied no quite confidently. I agreed, elaborating that even if a person would try justifying abuse (e.g. “I was abused myself”; “I can’t control my behaviour”; “I was drunk when I did it”), no abuse could ever be justified – NEVER.

Finally, I asked her to think about the reasons why she was justifying her own self-abuse. To consider that she was qualifying (quite easily) she deserved to speak to herself in that manner, and qualifying that her ED voice was correct in doing so. Even though this was a hard thing for her to consider, she realised my point and owned the fact that she was trying to justify her own self-abuse – something that could never be justified in any way.

Just because self-abuse doesn’t hurt anyone around you, it doesn’t mean it’s ok. All people, including you, deserve respect and dignity for who they are. If the principle of reciprocity would state: “Treat others how you would like them to treat you”, I would propose the opposite is just as important: “Treat yourself as you would treat others”.

No abuse is ever justified.
Self-abuse is still a form of abuse.
Whatever justification you are using to perpetuate self-abuse, face up (accountability) to what you are doing, and take Ownership to correct this (as you are the only one that can change this).

Respect is not a feeling, but a choice (e.g. I may not like my colleague at work, but I can still choose to respect them with common decency). Be careful to focus on the feeling, but rather make a conscious choice to treat yourself with kindness and respect (even if you don’t always feel positive about yourself). This may be very challenging at first, but if you remain focussed on fostering this new way of thinking, and challenge self-abusive thinking, with time this principle should take effect in your life.

Strategies to Cultivate Self-Respect

Practice self-care: Engage in activities that nurture your well-being and promote relaxation. This could include hobbies, exercise, or spending time with loved ones. Do these things with an awareness of cultivating self-respect.

Challenge negative self-talk: Address and reframe any negative beliefs you may hold by developing awareness of when you’re self-abusing, and then consciously challenge these thoughts.

Celebrate small wins: Recognize and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Each step forward is a testament to your strength and resilience.

Develop kindness towards yourself: If you struggle to feel positive about yourself, at least decide to stop self-abuse and be neutral towards yourself. Within neutrality, kindness can develop when you consciously choose to treat yourself similarly as to how you treat others.

Connecting the Principles: A Difficult Challenge

The acronym for Ownership, Accountability and Respect is OAR. Just as you need an oar to paddle your boat forward, your recovery needs you to use these principles to progress. Without your oar, you will float around without direction or intent. Many of my clients can be in this situation – convincing themselves they’re in recovery, but never really progressing much because the foundation of their recovery doesn’t encourage personal growth and development.

Integrating Ownership, Accountability, and Respect into your recovery process requires consistent and conscious effort. These principles do not develop easily. They can certainly be affected by your mood and feelings, but true recovery will call you to pursue such principles nonetheless. When you prioritise these principles, recovery becomes a realistic possibility because of the growth and development it encourages within you.

Recovery from an eating disorder is a personal and evolving journey. By embracing the principles of Ownership, Accountability, and Respect, you can empower yourself to navigate this path with consistency, confidence, and resilience. Remember, recovery is not a destination, but a continuous process of growth and self-discovery.

For further resources and support, explore more on our website at Reverence Recovery. Embrace these three principles, and take the next step in your journey toward recovery today.