What Should I Do If I Just Found Out My Family Member has an Eating Disorder?

When you first discover that your loved one is battling an eating disorder, it can feel like the ground has suddenly shifted beneath your feet. You’re likely to be overwhelmed with questions: “What do I do? How can I help? Where do we go from here?”

Take a deep breath. While this journey may seem daunting, you’re not alone, and there are steps you can take to navigate this challenging new terrain.

What NOT to do

First, let’s address what not to do. It’s natural to feel shocked, angry, or assign blame. Some also minimise the issue (or even deny), or respond with comments like “you’re just looking for attention”.

I feel it’s important to note that these types of reactions can be very counterproductive. Think about it – your loved one has just shared something incredibly personal and difficult. How you respond now can set the tone for things going forward. If they feel judged or criticized, they might retreat into secrecy, which is where eating disorders often thrive.

Within families, we all ask our loved ones to be open and honest with us. So, on the occasion when they’ve had the guts to talk about their issues and, then, it is met with significant negativity, they’ll probably hesitate to share with you in the future. Instead, try to meet their honesty with calm, respect, and openness to what they’re sharing (even if it doesn’t make sense to you).

Time to Process

It’s just been shared with you that your loved one struggles with something difficult and complex to understand and comprehend. You might experience a range of emotions. While it’s important to acknowledge these feelings, take some time to process what’s just been shared with you. It’s okay if you don’t know what to say right away. In fact, it’s perfectly fine to tell them, “I need some time to process this, but I’m here for you no matter what.”

Eating Disorders: Why Your Role Matters and How to Grow in that Role

Here’s some encouraging news: as a family member, you’re in a powerful and unique position to help. Research shows that your support can make a real difference in your loved one’s recovery. Many ED clients have explained how good support can really bolster their treatment efforts, and form an important part of their treatment team.

But it’s understandable if you feel out of your depth. Have a look at other parents who describe the intricacies of eating disorders within their loved. Eating disorders are complex, and most people don’t know much about them until they have to. That’s okay. You don’t need to be an expert overnight. What matters is that you’re willing to learn and be there for them.

Fortunately, we live in the information age, and knowledge about EDs has come a long way! Access to well-researched knowledge is accessible, and consulting with a professional for guidance can easily catalyse your journey on learning about these conditions, and how to effectively help and support your loved one.

Here is a good initial resource for families and carers just starting out on this journey.

Create opportunities for Open Communication

One simple strategy is to start a “feelings check-in” routine. It’s exactly what it sounds like – a time for your loved one to share how they’re feeling without fear of judgment. It might feel awkward at first, but it can really help normalize talking about mental health and create a safe space for your loved one to express themselves, even if they struggle with feelings that seem simple, or sometimes even illogical for you.

Eating disorders can sometimes present in strange and difficult-to-understand presentations, and keeping communication open can help significantly for your family member to isolated in this mental battle. If you are to successfully navigate the journey ahead, you will have to open your mind and be willing to engage on topics you perhaps don’t understand, or even disagree with.

Seek Help

Regarding treatment, depending on how severe the eating disorder is, your family member will likely need some form of treatment. Treatment takes many forms, ranging from self-help books to accessing hospital treatment with a full medical team. Part of your role might be helping them find the right treatment and resources that suits them best. Don’t worry if you’re not sure where to start – that’s what mental health professionals are there for. Part of these efforts may also include discovering what treatment options are available in your area, and booking some consultations to kick start the recovery journey.

Don’t forget that online treatment options are available if you find that local resources aren’t sufficient. Even though Reverence Recovery is based in Perth, videocalls and telehealth consultations allow us to treat anyone across Australia.

The Paradox of Control: Letting Go to Move Forward

Here’s something ironic: I sometimes advise that one of the best things you can do is let go a bit. It sounds counterintuitive, but there’s wisdom in it. Eating disorders often stem from a deep-seated need for control. Ironically, as a family member, one of the most helpful things you can do sometimes is relinquish your own need to control the situation.

The best approach is to strike a wise and health balance with taking control when your family member needs you to take charge, but other times merely providing guidance and support as their feelings, difficulties and preferences are considered. Try to empower your loved one while maintaining a solid supportive presence. Become and anchor for them as they try to become competent in dealing with their difficult (and often times confusing) feelings. And above all else, be respectful towards what they’re going through.

Navigating the Digital Landscape: Social Media and Recovery

Navigating the Digital Landscape: Social Media In today’s world, we can’t ignore the impact of social media, especially when considering eating disorders. It can be both helpful and harmful in recovery. As your loved one’s difficulties have now been shared with you, it might be time to work with them to curate their social media feeds. But be warned – deleting and blocking certain media sources can be very difficult for some to let go, and respecting their feelings whilst balancing the need to help can turn into a potential argument. Try, as best possible, to approach it in a positive and respectful culture.

Self-Care: The Oxygen Mask Principle

Flight attendants always instruct passengers to secure their own oxygen masks before assisting others. The same principle applies here: take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so prioritizing your own mental health remains important. And depending on how well or difficult recovery progresses, the road ahead could take months, and sometime years. So stay focussed on the long-term, and keep yourself in the best mental stead to be able to help where you need to. Consider joining a support group for families affected by eating disorders, or even seeing a therapist yourself. It’s not selfish – it’s necessary.

Consider engaging with Eating Disorders Families Australia (EDFA). They are the only national organisation providing support, education, advocacy, and counselling solely for carers and families impacted by an eating disorder.

The Road Ahead: Embracing Uncertainty with Hope

Finally, remember this: recovery isn’t a straight line. There will be ups and downs, progress and setbacks. That’s normal. The key is to approach the process with patience, compassion, and hope. There exists no one-size-fits all answer, and your family member will need time to establish what works for their recovery. Especially in times of failures or relapse, staying patient and caring can go a long way to help your family member refocus and deal with their issues better.

Your love, support, and understanding can be powerful catalysts for healing and growth. Keep a positive and open mindset. You’re not alone in this journey – there are professionals, support groups, and resources out there to help you every step of the way. Take it one day at a time, and don’t forget to be kind to yourself too.

If you’re located in Perth and seeking professional help for eating disorder treatment, don’t hesitate to reach out. Contact Reverence Recovery today to schedule a consultation and take the first step towards recovery.